THE WORD 4 ev 1

Today’s reading is Luke 14. (click for link)

Many people are often confused by Jesus words in this chapter about discipleship. How can hating family be in line with what Jesus ordinarily teaches about love? He is a Savior whose constant catch phrase is “love one another as I have loved you.”

Of course, “hate” is a strong word and certainly it is important to note that Jesus is using hyperbole here to amplify his point; however, let’s not use that as an excuse to soften his words so that they are more to our liking. This is serious stuff! Jesus is making one thing painfully and uncomfortably clear: His disciples must always pay very careful attention to their priorities.

Obviously, this need for “hating” ones family would only be necessary if ones faith conflicted with familial relationships. An extreme example would be a Muslim who converts to Christianity and must face the persecution of his loved ones, who often will disown him for his betrayal. But things are rarely that extreme for most of us in the West.

Will your priorities ever mean you choose between following your Lord and following your family? I had a friend at Seminary who struggled with the difficulty of this question.

His family had been Catholic for generations. However, Andrew never felt he was raised “Christian” but just Catholic. As a result he didn’t come to faith until he was almost finished with College. He graduated, got a great job, wife, nice house, etc. His parents thought he had everything they had always wanted for him. He was a success in their eyes.

However, his parents didn’t realize that Andrew’s priorities were beginning to change. He had found the Lord. His passion for following Jesus led him to leave the Catholic tradition and find a theology that he felt was more faithful to the Word of God. He came to Concordia Seminary to train to be a Lutheran pastor. But, this meant leaving a very well paying Job as an engineer and his big house. He and his wife moved half way across the country. Andrew’s parents didn’t understand any of it. His mother locked herself in her room for three days and refused to come out in protest. They told him that he was dishonoring his family. He was throwing away everything. He had gone from being a success to an utter disappointment in his family’s eyes. But Andrew had a new priority.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.” Perhaps Andrew’s story is what Jesus was talking about. But Andrew doesn’t really hate his family, he bears with them. It has meant living with criticism and constant appeals to leave this new path he has chosen in life. It has meant loving and still honoring ones parents even when their hopes and dreams for you utterly conflict with your called purpose. It has meant having one’s own children and prayerfully raising them in a family that is now in some ways divided because of you. It has meant bearing a cross—perhaps the heaviest type of cross—the misdirected love from a mother whose maternal love conflicts with one’s calling to be a disciple.

Yes, family can be the most persuasive and destructive force against faith—not for all of us, but for many. It can happen in many ways: A wife living with an unbelieving husband; parents struggling to guide a child who has chosen an ungodly lifestyle; loving a sibling who has hurt you intentionally. These are all crosses that are carried not just in the flash-and-burn conflicts which blow up every so often, but rather in the long lifetime of living out faith and discipleship in the mundane, ordinary interactions with those who share your blood but not your faith convictions. It is perhaps honoring your father and mother even if they don’t honor your Lord.

His Peace,
Pastor Aaron